DEALING WITH FAMILY
Talking To My Parents
A time comes in the life of every person when they have that feeling and urge for independence, some people at this point use the phrase “things have changed”; this is actually true. It’s perfectly normal for a person to want to be independent.
Most teenagers want to be independent of their parents’ finances, some of their parents’ rules.
As a young person if you had any troubles your parents were most likely the first people you’d run to.
You had this feeling that you can just tell them anything and everything that happened in school, or at the museum or in the playground, then, you were mostly “daddy’s sweet little girl” or “mom’s prince charming”.
You relied on them for everything and anything, you cherished their advice and you trusted them with all of your heart.
But it seems like suddenly things changed.
Now you feel like mom and dad can’t relate with you anymore.
Well, change is good but it’s not easy Most times though, you might prefer not to talk to your parents after all
“What my parents don’t know can’t hurt them”
KNOW THIS: It’s not wrong to keep some thoughts to yourself just as long as you’re not being deceitful.
But one thing is certain you need to establish an effective communication with your parents, that is, you need to talk to them and they need to hear from you.
BLOCKADES
Take for instance you’re driving on the road and then you encounter a blockade, what do you do? Give up? No! You look for another route It’s the same thing with effective communication with your parents.
Just as a roadblock need not be a dead end, you can find a way to get through and communicate with your parents.
Let’s examine some communication challenges:
1. Your Parents Aren’t Listening – If you’re trying to get your parents to listen to you DON’T do these things:
a. DO NOT Yell at Them: This option will not make your parents more receptive to your words. In fact, shows total disrespect and dishonor for your parents.
b. DO NOT Give Up: While this sounds like the easiest route to take it’s really not the best. If your parents are going to be of any help, they need to know what is going on in your life.
WHAT TO DO: Wait for a better time to bring up the topic. If you find it difficult just to sit and talk with your parent(s) about a problem, discuss the matter while you are walking, driving, or shopping together.
You could also put it in ‘black and write’.
This will give you the time to formulate exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it. Ensure that you sound genuine and don’t fake anything. This option benefits both you and your parents.
2. They Want to Talk But You’d Rather Not:
There’s nothing worse than being hit with questions after a hard day at school, you just want to rest and then mom and dad come with their questions “
How was school today” “Did you do well at the test”
Doubtlessly, they ask these questions with the best of intentions but right now you’re not in the mood. Well, let’s examine what not to and what to do.
a. DO NOT Refuse To Talk: Refusal in this sense could be saying things like “I don’t want to talk right now, please just leave me alone”.
This is an abrupt refusal that will cause you to feel stressed and guilty for blowing up at their face like that.
Your parents also won’t appreciate the lack of disrespect in your attitude and may resolve to suspect that you’re hiding something and this is where many families’ crises brew.
b. DO NOT Begrudgingly Respond: Actually, this is a better option than the first, you just bite your tongue and answer every question they throw at you, and mostly this conversation isn’t heartfelt. This also is a no-win situation.
WHAT TO DO: Delay the school topic and with genuine interest ask about their day. Your parents will appreciate the efforts you’re making towards the conversation and this will even help ease off the “school stress”
Talking to mom and dad is so doable as long as you love them, it takes love to establish effective communication between you and your parents. Without love for them, you might even grow to become stubborn and rebellious.
Please understand that what you say is different from what your parents hear so avoid sending mixed messages.
Your parents are your allies, not your enemies.
Rehearse your words before you say them, don’t say the first thing that comes to your mind.
Most teens accuse their parents of misunderstanding them and sometimes it’s because the teen cannot deliver the message properly.
When talking to mom and dad about a challenge you facing try not to be sarcastic and ensure you deliver your words in a respectful tone.
